It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
