Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
