My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
