meet me or not, i'm out of control
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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