He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
