He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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