the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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