he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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