literally had 100 drinks last night.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
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Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
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See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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