i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
