I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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