Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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