I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
