If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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