and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
