Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
