So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
