And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
