guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
