her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
