I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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