could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
