I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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