I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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