You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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