So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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