Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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