How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
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That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
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The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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