What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
