Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
