bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What drink are we having for lunch?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
