Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
