My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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