I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
