I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so let's talk penis.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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