Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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