I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
