I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
