Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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