I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize