I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
