My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
