I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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