Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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