He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
