we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
