Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
