to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
