I accidentally had phone sex last night
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
