I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She bit a glass in half.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
