Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
