never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
