pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
