it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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