ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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