This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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