Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
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I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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