My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
