She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
