Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
