I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
